and continueing on with big droplets pressing down. All the
while the house is dark. The want is to be in jammies pulls but
we dress anyway. The little one is all hands and feet, more hands.
She takes what she wants and then tosses it without a care.
She is a toddler with a will power more powerful than superman.
She wants what she wants. The temper tantrum times have
come. The correcting and recorrecting, following her with my
radar eyes. I can't look away because if I do distruction will ensue.
Spirit bounces for attention. He quietly plays but will eventually
erupt in an explosion of " that is enough baby sister can't have it all."
He will begin the tiger dance bouncing from floor to sofa to chair and I
will steadly correct and recorrect. He will bounce to the kitchen and
complain that he can't do this or he can't do that. After an hour or
so settling down beside me realizing in himself that that is all he
wanted from the start. I recognize it. He is growing and changing so much
because he is beginning to recognize it too.
Superboy is quiet, working on his workbox, reading and rereading.
Gathering his new sewing project. Enjoying the stitching the artistic
part of hands, eyes, color and texture. Whipping up breakfast
in the mix. A solid young man, learning to be more responsible.
Managing now more than I think at times. Spirit bounces through
and Superboy gives him the patience of a saint. Not always but
today it's there and needed and thankful for it.
Princess prepares for testing. Fixing her hair, straightening
her clothes. I think she enjoys the friends more than the test.
She chatters away uncharacteristically of her lately reminding me
of her early years when she chatters for hours. She has me alone in
the car and knows I have no where to run. The rain slowy changes to
snow, little flurries and flakes. Then back to rain again as I ride
The sewing machine humms as dad works on making cute
little jammies for Sweet pea. She hovers over eyeing up the
material. His caloused hands work the materal through. Being
unemployed creates time for odd things. He is trying to keep
busy. Gone are the days he layed on the sofa feeling sorry
for himself. I am glad for the domestication. At times it feels
as if we almost have changed roles. I am hovering slightly in
and slightly out. Its a strange feeling and difficult at times to find
my place. Rather this than the other.
Emails come through and are read. A wonderful opportunity
to write letters to orphan children in Africa. We jump on this.
The boys will love their new pals if all goes well.
Back through the rain to pick up Princess. The hotel humming
with talkative moms. Some questioning their ability to teach.
Amazes me that teachers question what they teach how they teach
and if they can or supernova moms bragging of their abilities
while others cower to the sides. A fleeting thought wonders if all they
say is true or wishes. I stay silent and anxiously await princess.
Our return home is flakes of snow again and princess animatedly
talking while hands and water bottle waving. The lid pops off
and water flies in all directions. Surprised eyes and lots of giggles.
Home again to eat and work through a few lessons but
the school day is pretty well done. The mess sits and stares me in the eye.
The children have chores but its not everything. I see the dust behind
the dust. I pick up a few things as I work to ready for work. The
dust will just have to grow more dust behind more dust. It will wait.
The attic calls me as I pass it. I am so anxious to get up there
and organize all the handme downs that are awaiting in boxes all
mixed match together and to dig through boxes of crafts looking for
yarn for our next activity. Always and always running my hands over
the books stacked in piles and picking new for the month a bit behind
a bit late but never to far off. My room piled at the moment in clothes.
Clean clothes on dressers on beds and a few dirty on the floor
reminding me of my teen days. I'll locate the floor this weekend.
It's under there somewhere.
Dad is done with the Jammies. It looks a little like a heart colored
feed sack. She giggles and runs and runs in her simple sack.
She enjoys the freedom of body and movement. Sister wrinkles
her brow as if to say what is that but Sweet pea giggles and doesn't
mind dads attempt at jammies. Eventually snuggling on his chest
on the sofa and sleeping soundly in her sack dress.
I head closer to the door and get my drink for the evening. I take one and fill it
again with water as I work. My mind is on camp and hours I may work. Summer
is questionable.. work is needed. I gather my things and sneak out.
No one notices my exit. They are all into lesson on their own, chores,
toys, or babies napping. I stop on the porch and listen in ... I ochestrate
what is happening the few hours I am gone even when I'm not present.
I can picture what I have asked of them will be done till I return and we
will enjoy family time. Superboy will do his online games, revise some
history and work on revising a writing assignment . Chores will get done
like dishes and vacuuming. Spirit will do more bouncing and playing.
On my way to school I think of Heart she has worked so hard
lately to fullful her dreams. I think of her sitting at the funeral
with her dad, of her friend that took his own life. What could
make a person take their life? What went so terribly wrong.
After care means a stop at the school office and down the long
hall past all the art drawings on the wall. To the cold damp cafeteria.
Always cold. Soon the smiles will come. Smiling faces come and
chatter away. Miss Nikki guess what ? Miss Nikki look at this. I smile
at each of them they remind me so of my little ones. They have such
a special place in my heart. Snacks, homework (more lessons) ,
dance contests, matching games, hula contests, the list goes on.
A big playtime at work. Then home to do more of the same.
I pick Heart up on the way home. She is quiet for awhile
and then tells of the days sadness with soft tears in her eyes.
I'm glad to have our car rides together to share with each other.
I sit and listen. Always listening always supporting. This is a mom.
Its our only quiet time.
I enter home as If I was gone all day.. MOM is home!!
Guess what mom? Look what I did while you were gone?
Sometimes I think they appreciate me more for leaving for
2-3 hours. I smell dinner. Dad domesticated again cooking away.
I sit tired , little ones snuggle around me. The day is about done.
No, maybe not we need... Baths , teeth, stories and more snuggles before
sweet pea and I drift off to sleep on the sofa with Spirit attached
to my feel .Using my feet as a pillow. I wake and slug up stairs.
The day is done. Until I do it again tomorrow. The weekend is close.