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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Your are Marked With a SEAL..

The Sunshine's through the window. Sweet pea lays
on my bed sound asleep. She wakes with a fuss so
I roll her into my bed in the mornings. She snuggles
closely too me and I watch her breath. What a
miracle each breath is.

I struggle to sit. Always stiff with my recent back incident. When
will the pain subside. I open my bible and begin to read
Ephesians. For he chose us in Him....he is freely given...
In him we were chosen...Having believed, you are marked
in him with a seal. I forget the discomfort and close
my eyes in prayer releasing all to him. Tears well in my
eyes as I sway and lean on God. I am not sure how much
more I can handle. I always hear the congregation
saying God only gives you what you can handle. How
could he possibly think I can handle all of this? Yet
somehow. I open the door and my day begins.

Superboy is walking about and helps me by
sitting with Sweet pea so I can bath. I relax in the
heat I feel my muscles give. After, I will be able to
move again until late in the day when I stop
and the soreness returns. I don't pause to long
since I know baby will soon rise with a fuss.

I sneak into the room and Superboy is relieved. I
sit in the quiet enjoying the moment. I know not
to long from now that quiet will be gone. I ponder all
that is . It swirls around my head... Daddy's heart is
always on my mind. Is it healing or becoming weaker.
Will we have insurance today? Will his job call for him
to work again? Is it Gods will he not work else he leave
us? You know the old adage be careful what you wish for.

Oh that's not all to think about. My mom is to have
surgery but had high blood pressure and couldn't have
it. I just wanted it done and her recovering. The
person who had taken money from us... we are awaiting
our court date. Oh the worst and most recent horror..
My grandson was shaken.. Shaken
by his father. Yet Thankful by the grace of GOD he is
well and smiley. I hold all this in.. I hide it but it
keeps coming back at me and I can hide it no more.


Today I find my health is wavering too at best. My blood pressure
is high despite having taken salt from our diets. I hear
walking 10,000 steps per day. (I have been walking) I hear
take out salt ( I have taken out salt) I hear stress. How
can I take out the stress. God... God takes it for me and
holds it awhile. He holds it so I can go about my day. So
I can smile and watch my children's faces light up in my joy.
That I can play with them and enjoy their little hands
and Fellowship.

I dig into the cleaning in our home. Walls white, Sheets
clean and smelling of spring freshness, eyes twinkle
In shiny tea pots. My mind forgets my body forgets.
With each Rub God takes it..

The day subsides... My pain returns...I
am alone again in a darkened room. I bow my head
to give it all back to him again. To Thank Him for
all he took me through this day. For the Joys and
smiles for it all... All that HE is. His
Holiness, His ability to listen and be my Rock.

and then I hear..


You are Marked in HIM with a Seal. He
knew me before I knew HIM.... He KNEW...
He KNOWS!!!

Somehow I will handle it all. Health, School, Planning, Work,
Church, Children, Tragedy.. because I am Chosen
because I believe. No matter how much I am given.
No matter how much I fail or forget. I ask and it is
mine because he KNOWS... HE Certainly KNOWS...






1 comments:

  1. Hey Nikki,
    I'm so sorry that you are going through all this. You are not alone though. God is with you. He knows your pains and sorrows. He knows your heart and fears. I notice that you give everything to God, but you keep picking it up again. Stop doing that. Just let Him worry about everything. I know it's hard, but when those thoughts come back, say out loud that you aren't going to pick them up. I believe that satan is bringing them back to you. Boot him out. He has to flee, but he will be back. When he does, be ready for him and boot him out again. Stay in God's Word and surround yourself with praise music. Everything will get better. You've got to get rid of the stress or your health is going to suffer horribly. Your children and husband need you to be healthy, so let it all go. Go to a room by yourself, kneel at Jesus' feet and give Him everything that you've got stored inside. You'll be amazed at how you feel afterwards.
    I'll be praying for you.
    Blessings,
    Penny

    ReplyDelete

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Nikki

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