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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

One Moms Ramblings.....

Another sleepless night and a long day ahead...
I don't know why sleep eludes me but it only comes in spurts.
It makes it difficult during the day hours. "Sweet pea " lies curled
up in her crib sleeping. I do alright with sleep until her 2 or 3 am
feeding then I am up. After sleeping 5-6 hours I can't go right back
to bed. By the time I can sleep the house is starting to move and
I may as well forget the idea. My thoughts also keep me up. They
are moving a mile a minute. I have thought to bring the laptop
upstairs to put some of those thoughts down so that I can actually
sleep. At the moment I sit in the dark by the Christmas tree lights.

I am in a mommy mood lately. If one exists. Maybe its the new
weather we are having. It isn't even winter officially yet and
snow and ice seem to be a pattern for most days. When I do want
to go out I have to make a decision about weather we should go or
not. Princess always has a way of making me feel bad when I choose
to stay home. She just loves our church activities so much. It will be
a long winter of deciding. I am so grateful to be a mommy but
the pattern of the days is just ... I'm not sure.. maybe undaunting
is the word or repetitive. I usually enjoy day to day tasks folding
wash, cleaning up , and so on.. I don't know lately I am just restless
and frustrated. The children's smiles lighten my days when I feel this
way which is often. Feed baby, change baby, break up sibling
squabble, pick up mess, clean up spills... oh you know the drill ...
over and over. I guess I am in a rut. I need something . If I knew
what is was I'd do it. I sort of am thinking it's a bit of postpartum.
(which I have said before even though the Dr. doesn't think so)
I am usually more satisfied with life. So I will pray and wait.
This to shall pass...

.....And pray I shall. When I have time for it. I know that this
is the season of life I am in but I miss the long morning prayers
and evening. I only have time for brief prayers. Lord help me
through this day. Lord what beauty .. the snow is amazing thank-you.
Thank you for my little gift she is so wonderfully made. Help me Lord
have strength with these two... and so it goes. My morning prayer time
is gone now. Baby wakes me at 5 am for the day. By the evening
I am so exhausted sometimes I fall asleep mid prayer. Then apologize
Sorry dear Lord for falling asleep. Although I am sure he understands.
He sees and knows all.

....and Daddy.... well he is regulating his meds just fine. It is
also hard to have him home all the time. He is underfoot.
(though I love him) Household tasks are harder to complete.
I am always having to stop what I am doing so he can pass by or
because he needs help with something. He also is very good
at interrupting school. He often takes our lesson in a
completely different direction than my original intent. Which isn't
terribly a bad thing but it makes for hectic planning. He has also passed the
sleeping all the time phase. On occasion he takes naps but they
are fewer than in the beginning. I imagine his heart working so hard
made him tired during the day hours. The depression he seemed to
be carrying has lifted. He has begun doing little projects....(which
are piling up everywhere) This piling of projects doesn't help my
mood. When things are disorderly I feel completely out of sync.
I know this is who he is but starting one project and moving to
another and another makes me crazy. When I start something I typically
want to complete it before choosing something else.. but Dad ..
He is bored with a task after a bit and picks another coming back
to that one at a later time. Nothing I can't handle just the pile up
of these little things. (Thank you Lord for Daddy's messes)

Anyway I don't want this to be a completely negative post.
Its just this inner needling that I need to go. :)

Sweet pea is rolling more and more. She rolls
from front to back and back to front now. She has taken to
holding on to her pants legs and kicking her feet. It is so adorable.

...Spirit he is en thawed with the Christmas season and all the holiday
hoopla. His eyes are lit up and he jumps around pretty much all day
long. He can't seem to contain himself. I want to get him to the
mall to see Santa. I know that will be a huge hit for him.

Princess is still working hard in her lessons. A diligence I never
thought I'd see from her. All because she has a facebook and
can only play on it when he lessons are completed and completed well.
To bad I didn't think of this sooner.

Superboy is a frustration of late. He fights absolutely everything.
He is establishing his independence I suppose and yet his creativity
is amazing. He is always working on some sort of project.
When he is in project mode he is happy as pie.

Heart is in need of prayer. She is struggling with what to
do after her high school years. I want her to create some
sort of plan. We are working toward that goal but it is difficult
for her. She isn't ready to be an adult. What do you do when
18 rolls around and you aren't ready for it?

Toad is working on his new apartment near his new school. I find
reports daily on facebook of his new apartment adventure.
He is renting from a friend and agreed to do some work on it first
for a cheaper rent during his schooling. There seems to be
a lot of work to be done.

Tom girl is doing well with baby. Her and A have a lot
of new things to adjust to as parents. (Prayers here too)

That about covers my ramblings. I hope you are well, safe
and beginning to get things together for your holiday.

May God bless and keep you.
Nikki


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