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Sunday, September 20, 2009

(photo taken by my daughter "Heart")

Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so
take courage and do it."Ezra 10:4

It has been a little over a month now since "Sweet Pea" was born. On
a daily basis I wrestle with my emotions. Each day I pray for help to
get through. My emotions feel as if the volume control is up to loud. I
know this is only a season in my life and it will pass. Yet somedays
my emotions don't want to listen. I have always thought of myself as
a calm, patient, and organized person. It's funny how God gives you things
or events in your life to throw a complete wrench in those ideas.
Maybe a reminder to say "YOU are NOT in Control.. TRUST in ME" Those very
things I feel strong about are stuggles. (at least for the moment)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your
God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my
righteous right hand.Isaiah 41:10

"Sweet Pea" is the most adorable, beautiful, darling little girl but Oh so
demanding. More demanding than my last two children were as babies.
Honestly I feel I am handling things well with her. Her needs are always met.
She is snuggled and Loved. I often spend a lot of my day moving her about.
She isn't content for long to be in one position. I try my hardest to fit
everyone's needs into a day. "Spirit" seems to be the one who misses out
the most. I am so aware of this that when I have quiet time I sit with
him on my lap and sneak in a snuggle time. It doesn't feel like enough.
Nothing does..."Volume control please" Spirit has been sick the last
week and Daddy has the flu, so you can imagine how high that
emotional volume control can go.

"Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help. You
turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed
me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O
my God, I will give you thanks forever."Psalm 30:10-12

The other day "Superboy" created a drawing of the most wonderful
bug and saved it to color or paint later. I caught "Spirit" poised with a
pencil ready to draw on that paper. Normally I'd ask what he's doing
but this day I went to "Don't draw on that.. " in a stern tone. "Spirit"
cried for 20 minutes because he only wanted to draw a tongue onto
the bug. The worst part about the whole thing is that "Superboy" would
have left him do that if only I had asked what he was doing first instead
of jumping to conclusions. My time is limited and my emotional volume
control is on high. A small moment but important.

"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand
on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a
bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right
hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden
the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn."Psalm 18:32-36

Gradually I am working on toning things down. I have learned that my
plans are not my own. My frustration level goes up when I forget that.
I MUST remember to check with God on what he wants me to do
each day. Without prayer and study I end up in a pool of my emotional
tears. I am so glad during my preganancy God put it on my heart
to take some activities away, otherwise things would spiral. Children
are my priority and mending sick Daddy. I am taking my day as it comes,
cleaning in small increments and having to let the rest go. God says that
is "ENOUGH today" . Then I need to except it as good and enough.

I have also learned to rely on others. I can't and shouldn't do it ALL .
Life is emotion, family, and friends. NOT my schedule.

I don't wnat you to think I am wallowing in my emotions. They are
baby strong at the moment but controlable. I just have to pick up my
armor each morning and fight back . Allowing the Lord control. Trusting
God to turn the volume down.

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have
made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant
places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who
counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD
always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be
shaken."Psalm 16:5-8


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